Piper's Four-Leaf Clover!
Top ‘O The Mornin’ to you Bachelors! It’s that time of year for good luck and four-leaf clovers, and little red-headed child/men to run amok and grant St. Patrick’s Day wishes! And it looks like all my wishes have come true!! (Well, maybe not all of them, I’m still terribly lacking in the womb region. You can hear the ocean in there if you tip me right! LOL!!!!!!) That’s right! I’m MARRIED NOW!!!!!! (Pause for thunderous applause!) Oh Bachelors, I found my pot of gold at the end of the rainbow! This might be it for us, as I need to devote all my energy to being the best wife I can be. Don’t fret, you’ll always be my first! Or you would’ve been if you would’ve called me! Guess you don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone, (like Janet Jackson said)! Gotta go! Wifely duties await! EEEEEEEE!!!
Big Shamrock Kisses!
Piper
oh piper, piper, piper. i’m not one to say “i told you so.” but, well, what were you expecting? how could you ever hope to compete with those two women, both of whom were obviously born for procreation?!? the wide, child-bearing hips should have been the first clue. have you seen your hips? you’ve the hips of a twelve year old boy, for heaven’s sake!
to tell the truth, i didn’t like the look of any of those people anyway! that tall one looks like she’s in late stage arsenic poisoning, undoubtedly caused by that short one trying to get her out of the picture! bitter, bitter, bitter. believe me, you don’t want to get in between those two in a mormon catfight.
and how dare he tell you to make a “normal” face. what on earth does he mean by that?!? you’re face is as normal as anyone’s. your poor parents didn’t spend all that money on corrective surgery for him to make a comment like that! i mean, jeezum crow, you looked like that one episode of the twilight zone. he’s got some nerve. please, please tell me you didn’t relinquish your carnal treasure to that lout. scrape the dog doo off your shoe, already
but fear not, piper. every pot has a lid. and that’s what you want. a lid. not the whole darn cook set! pack your bags and get the heck out of that looney bin and back to the normal, sane life in california. . and remember, mr.right is out there. and until then, there’s always vodka.
love, aunt joan
— Aunt Joan · 03/11/2009 09:41 AM · #
You’re adorable.
Eternally yours,
Steve
— Steve · 03/11/2009 02:03 PM · #
Piper/Rebecca: You are a marvelous actress. I wish you all the success in the world in your career and, ahem, in your personal, um uh, never mind. You deserve success in both areas.
I hope to see you in the tabloids soon.
Eternally yours,
Steve
— Steve · 03/19/2009 09:58 AM · #
Hey Piper, we miss you!! It has been months since your last video. Please enrich my life with a new one. And if you are busy getting famous, which by the way, you richly deserve, please post a news flash here on your official web site. Good luck.
—Steve
— Steve · 06/05/2009 08:36 AM · #
Very enjoyable!
— Earl · 08/20/2009 06:28 PM · #
Piper, you’re awesome. You always make me laugh.
— Jorge · 11/13/2009 12:10 PM · #
You could be on SNL, I thought it was really funny.
Connie Soroka— connie Soroka · 02/12/2010 02:06 PM · #
his world is quite the big place and to encounter a story such as this one just puts me out of my ordinary. I gotta hand it to whoever wrote this, you’ve really kept me updated! Now, let’s just hope that I can come across another blog just as interesting
— College Term Papers · 02/26/2010 06:46 PM · #